No matter how hard you try, you can't make skype work WORTH A CRAP over hotel wireless. So we'll do this next week when, in theory, we have decent bandwidth for all.
Fucking CLOUD.
6/8/09
WWDC 2009 Keynote
(Oh, you have to scroll DOWN for new stuff. Deal.)
Girls dressed like whores outside..WWDC or the AVN awards?
Hey fuckstick, you kept me ouside until just now, Ima get my coffee. Dick.
Schiller doing the generic rah-rah
New 15", gets new Lithium Polymer battery. Five years before the charge cycle diminishes
60% greater color gamut
Thinner than male justification for porn
Express Card slot gone for an SD slot. Goddamnit, people did use that you know. Fuckers, yet another USB thing I'll need"
Fuckers, I can't type that fast
Okay, the 13" is now a MacBook Pro and has Firewire. Shut up whiny fuckers.
17" retains Expresscard slot. Good, Fuck SD card slots.
13" Aluminum gets "Pro" moniker. SD card slot. More RAM. Better Display. Pony. Gives Handjobs.
Wait, that's the chicks outside, nevermind.
Bertrand is up, doing his attack poodle routine. But great quote about Vista:
One of the best examples that Apple really does think differently about things.
Cocoa Finder gets applause. Hey dillweeds, it's still the Finder you hate.
Expose built into the Finder. Yay?
Basically, this is all about faster, faster, faster.
Semi-intelligent text selection in PDF...ABOUT FUCKING TIME.
Safari 4 shipping for Tiger, Leopard and Windows. Great, shitty tab UI EVERYWHERE. Passes Acid3: Does anyone who isn't a programmer really fucking care?
SL only features:
"Crash Resistance", or "Flash won't kill the entire fucking browser".
Craig Federighi, VP Mac OS Engineering is the OS Demo Boy
Scrolling in Stacks. Welcome to 1984
Yet another Expose demo. God, I fucking hate Expose. Fucking windows diving out of the way. Anyway, click and hold on running app icons in the Dock looks cool if you like that shit.
Time for the Safari 4 blowjob. Wow, the new version is faster. What a new idea!
Quicktime X
New UI. Big Deal.
Bertrand is waxing about shit that's now common that wasn't. He now sounds like Rip Van Winkle. And I love how he says "Three".
64 bit is good.
Multicore is good, but a pain in the ass to program for. Threading, ("Phreads")., is a pain in the ass. Grand Central Dispatch makes it less of a pain in the ass. That's always good.
Thank God Bertrand explained what "Tera" in Teraflop means. No one here had a clue.
Open CL
Dude, isn't EVERYTHING practically a fucking C-like language? It's not a feature.
No Bertrand, Exchange support is not "missing". Unless you were Apple.
Mail/AB/iCal talk to Exchange 2007
Dude, client search in Exchange is not that fucking hot. Server searching would be hotter. Quicklook is not that exciting either.
Wow...you can accept meeting invitations in Mail AND iCal! Welcome to 1997!
Look, lots of events in iCal looks like shit! Look! Apple can now do what Outlook has done for over a fucking Decade! FEEL THE INNOVATION BURN!!!!
Yes, yes, Windows needs an extra app for this
Snow is Intel only and $30 bucks. Let the bitching that it should have been free begin. Available in Sept.
Time for the iPhone Head
Oh thank god, I was able to swap my contacts and I can fucking see! I can watch the testimonial on how fucking great the iPhone is for developers! I feel a tingling in my nethers over it.
iPhone OS 3.0
Shake Undo: "No mom, I'm UNDOING, not MASTURBATING! I just have a LOT of Undoing to do!"
I can see iPorn taking advantage of that.
Server Side email searching.
Spotlight on the phone
iTunes enhancements
Video. There's a surprise.
Better Parental controls. Lock them into Porn...wait, that's not right.
Tethering for OS X and Windows
Safari performance improvements.
HTTP Streaming for audio and video in Safari! MORE PORN ACCESS! WOOHOO!
No, "Douchebag" is not going to be a new support language. Sorry Arrington.
"Find my iPhone" How the hell did Shawn King talk them into this!
Remote Wipe support from mobileme. About fucking time Apple supported that themselves. Also, I see an increase in mobileme customers.
Peer to Peer over Bluetooth. Wow, sounds just like BonjourdevousAchtung! Way to dogfood guys.
Hey Apple, modal dialogs suck, how about you GET THEM OFF THE FUCKING IPHONE!
Rob Enderle is still king of fucking douchebags, and the PedoPundit. Talk about needing a fucking smack upside the head.
"Radar Love" playing in a driving game FTW!
AT&T is looking really fucking stupid here, by the way.
The medical monitor app, Airstrip Critical Care, is really fucking cool. Someone did a LOT of work on this shit.
Oh holy fuck, not only do they pick a really fugly app for in-app purchase, but they use a fucking TWILIGHT BOOK? GAH!
Note that citing from a Twilight book is like quoting a manatee.
TomTom is up, aka "Fuck You Garmin"
Turn by turn navigation app. Integrates with Address Book, et al. Nice clean display, aka "Fist Fuck you Garmin."
TomTom Car Kit: Dock Connector. Allows for portrait/landscape, enhances GPS, loudspeaker, speaker mic, charges the iPhone. "Hey Garmin, here comes the other hand, and I got some evil knuckle warts."
NGMOCO demo shows a cool game. However, the speaker has a really evil lisp. Giggle Factor is high. Having a "Life of Brian" moment here. Want to yell "RELEASE RODERICK!" Seriously, come on people, you don't stick someone with a speech impediment in front of an audience like this, it's fucking mean.
I want a dildo company demo. Grab one of the iPorn Girls.
Okay, Scott Forestall as Mr. Science is pretty fucking funny, especially when the demo fails. The Pasco guys handled it well.
Okay, the ZipCar app lets you find the car you are looking for by "remote echolocation". That's pretty cool. Onscreen remote for unlocking the car.
Okay, i'm glad the Line6 demo is the last demo, because this is starting to get into "OH FUCK STEVE! NOT ANOTHER iDVD THEME!"
The PA is not liking this shit at all. Clipping is not fun.
Oops! That wasn't an Acoustic 12-string.
Another demo fail! WHEE! Let the bitching that if Steve was here, this wouldn't have happened begin!
Let the bitching about paying on the iPod Touch begin.
iPhone OS 3.0 available June 17th.
The mullet, er, Phil is back!
Marketing blather goes here.
iPhone 3G s..."S stands for Speed"
Let the whining about no netbook or tablet begin now. Hey fuckers! YOU WERE WRONG! AGAIN!
Faster HSPDA support, 7.2Mbps
Camera: 3MP autofocus, auto-white balance. Tap to Focus, (okay, that's pretty sweet). Video. More porn on your iPhone! Paris Hilton is SO buying one of these. iPhone 3Gs is her new BFF!
More digs at AT&T not supporting MMS on the iPhone.
Voice Control: Voice Dialing, iPod Control, Genius Playlist support.
Compass built-in...FINALLY, make the MAP face the way I AM.
Accessibility improvements
Nike Plus support. What took so fucking long.
Hardware Encryption. Allows for instantaneous wipe.
Better Battery life, (duh). Oh, time to give Greenpeace a couple of tugs.
Pricing: $199 or 16GB, $299 for a 32GB version, for new & qualifying AT&T customers in the US, in black and white
iPhone 3G will stay on the market, 8GB version for $99. Oh well, they hadn't started showing the Apple Tax iPhone commercials yet.
New 3G pricing today, 3Gs available June 19th
The new ad is kind of cute.
Let the fucking pedopundit corps begin mit der stupid.
No Steve. Ha-Ha!
Girls dressed like whores outside..WWDC or the AVN awards?
Hey fuckstick, you kept me ouside until just now, Ima get my coffee. Dick.
Schiller doing the generic rah-rah
New 15", gets new Lithium Polymer battery. Five years before the charge cycle diminishes
60% greater color gamut
Thinner than male justification for porn
Express Card slot gone for an SD slot. Goddamnit, people did use that you know. Fuckers, yet another USB thing I'll need"
Fuckers, I can't type that fast
Okay, the 13" is now a MacBook Pro and has Firewire. Shut up whiny fuckers.
17" retains Expresscard slot. Good, Fuck SD card slots.
13" Aluminum gets "Pro" moniker. SD card slot. More RAM. Better Display. Pony. Gives Handjobs.
Wait, that's the chicks outside, nevermind.
Bertrand is up, doing his attack poodle routine. But great quote about Vista:
Disk Defragmentation: No user should ever have to know about that
One of the best examples that Apple really does think differently about things.
Cocoa Finder gets applause. Hey dillweeds, it's still the Finder you hate.
Expose built into the Finder. Yay?
Basically, this is all about faster, faster, faster.
Semi-intelligent text selection in PDF...ABOUT FUCKING TIME.
Safari 4 shipping for Tiger, Leopard and Windows. Great, shitty tab UI EVERYWHERE. Passes Acid3: Does anyone who isn't a programmer really fucking care?
SL only features:
"Crash Resistance", or "Flash won't kill the entire fucking browser".
Craig Federighi, VP Mac OS Engineering is the OS Demo Boy
Scrolling in Stacks. Welcome to 1984
Yet another Expose demo. God, I fucking hate Expose. Fucking windows diving out of the way. Anyway, click and hold on running app icons in the Dock looks cool if you like that shit.
Time for the Safari 4 blowjob. Wow, the new version is faster. What a new idea!
Quicktime X
New UI. Big Deal.
Bertrand is waxing about shit that's now common that wasn't. He now sounds like Rip Van Winkle. And I love how he says "Three".
64 bit is good.
Multicore is good, but a pain in the ass to program for. Threading, ("Phreads")., is a pain in the ass. Grand Central Dispatch makes it less of a pain in the ass. That's always good.
Thank God Bertrand explained what "Tera" in Teraflop means. No one here had a clue.
Open CL
Dude, isn't EVERYTHING practically a fucking C-like language? It's not a feature.
No Bertrand, Exchange support is not "missing". Unless you were Apple.
Mail/AB/iCal talk to Exchange 2007
Dude, client search in Exchange is not that fucking hot. Server searching would be hotter. Quicklook is not that exciting either.
Wow...you can accept meeting invitations in Mail AND iCal! Welcome to 1997!
Look, lots of events in iCal looks like shit! Look! Apple can now do what Outlook has done for over a fucking Decade! FEEL THE INNOVATION BURN!!!!
Yes, yes, Windows needs an extra app for this
Snow is Intel only and $30 bucks. Let the bitching that it should have been free begin. Available in Sept.
Time for the iPhone Head
Oh thank god, I was able to swap my contacts and I can fucking see! I can watch the testimonial on how fucking great the iPhone is for developers! I feel a tingling in my nethers over it.
iPhone OS 3.0
Shake Undo: "No mom, I'm UNDOING, not MASTURBATING! I just have a LOT of Undoing to do!"
I can see iPorn taking advantage of that.
Server Side email searching.
Spotlight on the phone
iTunes enhancements
Video. There's a surprise.
Better Parental controls. Lock them into Porn...wait, that's not right.
Tethering for OS X and Windows
Safari performance improvements.
HTTP Streaming for audio and video in Safari! MORE PORN ACCESS! WOOHOO!
No, "Douchebag" is not going to be a new support language. Sorry Arrington.
"Find my iPhone" How the hell did Shawn King talk them into this!
Remote Wipe support from mobileme. About fucking time Apple supported that themselves. Also, I see an increase in mobileme customers.
Peer to Peer over Bluetooth. Wow, sounds just like BonjourdevousAchtung! Way to dogfood guys.
Hey Apple, modal dialogs suck, how about you GET THEM OFF THE FUCKING IPHONE!
Rob Enderle is still king of fucking douchebags, and the PedoPundit. Talk about needing a fucking smack upside the head.
"Radar Love" playing in a driving game FTW!
AT&T is looking really fucking stupid here, by the way.
The medical monitor app, Airstrip Critical Care, is really fucking cool. Someone did a LOT of work on this shit.
Oh holy fuck, not only do they pick a really fugly app for in-app purchase, but they use a fucking TWILIGHT BOOK? GAH!
Note that citing from a Twilight book is like quoting a manatee.
TomTom is up, aka "Fuck You Garmin"
Turn by turn navigation app. Integrates with Address Book, et al. Nice clean display, aka "Fist Fuck you Garmin."
TomTom Car Kit: Dock Connector. Allows for portrait/landscape, enhances GPS, loudspeaker, speaker mic, charges the iPhone. "Hey Garmin, here comes the other hand, and I got some evil knuckle warts."
NGMOCO demo shows a cool game. However, the speaker has a really evil lisp. Giggle Factor is high. Having a "Life of Brian" moment here. Want to yell "RELEASE RODERICK!" Seriously, come on people, you don't stick someone with a speech impediment in front of an audience like this, it's fucking mean.
I want a dildo company demo. Grab one of the iPorn Girls.
Okay, Scott Forestall as Mr. Science is pretty fucking funny, especially when the demo fails. The Pasco guys handled it well.
Okay, the ZipCar app lets you find the car you are looking for by "remote echolocation". That's pretty cool. Onscreen remote for unlocking the car.
Okay, i'm glad the Line6 demo is the last demo, because this is starting to get into "OH FUCK STEVE! NOT ANOTHER iDVD THEME!"
The PA is not liking this shit at all. Clipping is not fun.
Oops! That wasn't an Acoustic 12-string.
Another demo fail! WHEE! Let the bitching that if Steve was here, this wouldn't have happened begin!
Let the bitching about paying on the iPod Touch begin.
iPhone OS 3.0 available June 17th.
The mullet, er, Phil is back!
Marketing blather goes here.
iPhone 3G s..."S stands for Speed"
Let the whining about no netbook or tablet begin now. Hey fuckers! YOU WERE WRONG! AGAIN!
Faster HSPDA support, 7.2Mbps
Camera: 3MP autofocus, auto-white balance. Tap to Focus, (okay, that's pretty sweet). Video. More porn on your iPhone! Paris Hilton is SO buying one of these. iPhone 3Gs is her new BFF!
More digs at AT&T not supporting MMS on the iPhone.
Voice Control: Voice Dialing, iPod Control, Genius Playlist support.
Compass built-in...FINALLY, make the MAP face the way I AM.
Accessibility improvements
Nike Plus support. What took so fucking long.
Hardware Encryption. Allows for instantaneous wipe.
Better Battery life, (duh). Oh, time to give Greenpeace a couple of tugs.
Pricing: $199 or 16GB, $299 for a 32GB version, for new & qualifying AT&T customers in the US, in black and white
iPhone 3G will stay on the market, 8GB version for $99. Oh well, they hadn't started showing the Apple Tax iPhone commercials yet.
New 3G pricing today, 3Gs available June 19th
The new ad is kind of cute.
Let the fucking pedopundit corps begin mit der stupid.
No Steve. Ha-Ha!
WWDC Keynote
Assuming Verizon doesn't assrape me on this, I'll be liveblogging the keynote. It'll be the only one with profanity and real snark, not that NMD bullshit almost-snark
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